I was 21 years old and I fell in love for the first time. She was 16 and so I wanted to do everything correct and above board. I went to her mother and father and asked for her hand in marriage, but it was only one slight problem in the whole endeveour, she was already pregnant.

She had told me that a friend of hers had forced her into sex and that’s how she had gotten pregnant. She also told me that she had tried to commit suicide by taking some pain pills that did nothing but made her sleep. Since this was my first love, I wanted to get a validation from my parents so I went to my parents and said, “Uhhh, Im in love with the girl down the street.”

When I gave her name, my mother said, “she’s a ho.” This is when the pain first started. I didn’t want to accept it but I always kept it in the back of my mind. So as I pursued marrying my first love, her parents’ only request was that she finish her education.

I bought her books and clothes, taught her how to drive and let her drive my car to school, and she was very popular because of all of this. I purchased a brand new home out in the burbs with new furniture, and I never thought that this would ever be a problem for anybody. I thought every parent would love a successful life for their daughter.

When her mother started seeing the things I was preparing for her, her mother got jealous. Instead of being supportive, she began to work to break our relationship up. Everytime I would come to the house, the mother would put the daughter to work and cuss at her and do mean things to her. Then one day, she told me I couldn’t see her daughter anymore. She wanted her daughter to see other people closer to her age. I was in extreme pain because I didn’t want to fight the family or say anything against the mother, because I wanted to marry the daughter. The pain increased until it became unbearable. The mother would only allow the young lady to go out with her friends who were not good for her. She would allow the young lady to sleep over at her girlfriends’ house - who had a brother.

The pain increased. It came to the point where I was getting ulcers, confused state of mind, and I had to make the decision of pursuing the relationship or breaking it off. When the pain became so intense, for my own health’s sake I had to break the relationship off.

Eventually she married her girlfriend’s brother, who loved to smoke weed. They got married and one week after they got married, he lost his job, and never got a job again as long as they were married. I still loved her, but I knew we could probably never be together. Her new husband introduced her to alcohol, cocaine, heroine, prostitution, boosting, and other perversions. I continued to love her because I couldn’t stop loving her.

I even married my first wife in order to try to get her out of my mind, but it didn’t work, because my first wife knew I was still in love with my first love. More pain.

The pain actually didn’t stop, until my first love’s heart burst because of a drug overdose. My first love’s brother saw me in a supermarket and told me she had passed. A tear rolled down my face, and for the first time in many long years, I was free of the pain.

From that point on up until today, I know that my heart is not supposed to be given to anyone or anything, except god.